Soap is not a condiment
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
pray to the hookup gods
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
