i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
