I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
