someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
