i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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