i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I wear drunk well.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
