I love black thongs
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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