dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
