I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
