Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
