why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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