based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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