You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
