Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
