She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
