so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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