just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
