We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize