i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
