apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
