how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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