Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
