You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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