this beer tastes like vomit already
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
