I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
