Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
