Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
