Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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