i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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