I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
