the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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