so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
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