God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
