We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize