my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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