when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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