this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
