i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
