she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
