I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
