And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
