I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
