i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
