you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
