the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Duck Duck Cougar?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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