If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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