i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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