I can text with my tongue
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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