I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just had sex on a roof
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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