im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
