I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
