Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The ass gains better be worth it
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