There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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