she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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