I accidentally had phone sex last night
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize