Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
