i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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