my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
