i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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