Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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