We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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