We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
whose ass print is on the piano?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
