Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
