I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
