The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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