The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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