im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I deserve this hangover.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
