you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
