Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
His nipple licking is glorious
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