I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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