Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
