He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize