i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
