i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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