PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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