I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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