Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
