I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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