when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
