So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
