Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
