1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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