We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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