oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
