I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
