How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize