I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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