I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
