so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
