I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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