yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I understand Curling. That high.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
