this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
