First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
