i will never coherently bang her
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
