Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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