im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
