margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
