Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
