You're a womanizer and a bitch.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
