I threw up into my coffee this morning.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
