Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
