yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
